It’s been a while. I took a necessary break because I just had too much. You know, two kids, a husband, a part time job, and a partly committed to home business (fully committed to now). Honestly, it wasn’t too much. But my physical body and emotional thresholds were at their ultimate limits. I couldn’t function or play or have a nice temperament with the boys. So an abrupt halt is what was necessary.
I floated for 5 months. I managed to get up because I had two boys that bounced me out of bed each day (literally). I managed to cook supper 3-4 times a week, we ate out and we ate a lot of mac n cheese. I did manage to maintain a Trim Healthy Mama plan in those 5 months, and it is paying off. No idea how that didn’t fall in the ‘too much’ category, but I’m grateful it didn’t.
I guess for you to really understand, we need to rewind. I posted Chip’s Story on October 16, 2016. What I didn’t tell you was that I was in labor with a second babe that night. A second angel that I’ll meet someday. August and September 2015 had been really great months… because I was pregnant. Those hormones are apparently my happy place. I managed to outline a ‘homeschool’ curriculum for Clark (not even 3 until Oct 18) and cook at home and be pleasant. I remember Cody comparing October’s budget to Septembers saying, “Hey, you cooked more!” “Yea… I was happy. I was pregnant.”
So, that October baby began another downward spiral very like last summer’s after Chip. I plugged through November on Oxytocin, I guess, and sheer will power. Then I crashed in December. It was the darkest I’ve been. I learned about some sensory issues and some childhood things made more sense. I hid and I stuffed. I pulled out a bit at the end of the month with some serious Bible study, but I floundered with no stability.
In May I hid in books. I didn’t FaceBook in May. I didn’t deactivate my account, I didn’t even take it off my phone. I simply had no interest and needed a break. I had no interest in anything. I was overwhelmed with life and paralyzed by the simplest task. I resented my family. I wanted out. I honestly wanted a little apartment all by myself where it could be a mess or it could be clean and it would by my fault and my fault alone for either state. I wanted to sleep uninterrupted for the first time since summers before highschool (I’d still go for that 😉 ). I wished I hadn’t committed to a husband or children though I knew what I was doing when I did. I did think they would be better off without me. And for the umpteenth time, I knew why ‘normal’ people found themselves in mental institutions.
My sweet husband had let me register for Young Living’s Convention that was taking place in June. Through the spring and through my highs and lows we remodeled a motorhome and that was our vehicle for this adventure to Salt Lake City. The week before we were to leave, I was in full denial. There was too much to be done, and too little brain power to comprehend it much less take any action. Sunday I finally kicked myself and realized this was happening. So I got the motorhome loaded and wonderful Cody picked me up from work the next day and off we went!
I maintained a state of no interest hidden in a book for the trip out to Salt Lake City. We arrived on Tuesday, set up camp, then went to find where I was supposed to be and get registered. But, the email hadn’t worked. And I panicked. I haven’t been able to help Cody with the budget since last summer because of anxiety and I begged him to tell me the ticket money had come out. He couldn’t remember. It had been a couple months. I hit an new low. We’d spent money on fuel and a camp ground and food. I had panic-packed and made things happen. And now, I couldn’t even go.
Thankfully, we got things sorted out and I DID have a ticket. I could go! But the anxiety was a big monster. There were going to be approximately 20,000 people there… I can’t do a room of 20. What was I going to do! I braved that first day, and stepped out of my comfort zone, and shook hands and met people and made friends! I was actually in an element I had been in before… In highschool, in FFA. I could do this.
On the second day, founder Gary Young, gave a 2 hour workshop entitled Emotional Applications of Essential Oils. CHANGE. MY. LIFE. Truly… I learned that when we experience emotional, physical or spiritual trauma, it encodes on our DNA. This is called Epigenetics. If it isn’t stopped, that begins to replicate and it explained why I was worse in many ways than last summer. I took as many notes as possible and I had hope! I upped my use of the emotional oils I had brought with me and the rest of the week was much better an learning packed!
When I got home I used some coveted Essential Rewards points (Points accumulated for FREE YL product in exchange for regular orders on Essential Rewards) and ordered as many of the Emotions Oils that Gary had recommended as I could. I’m frugal, so I paid the lowest shipping price for almost $300 in oils. And I waited. Like 2 stinking weeks later, they came. I have been using them faithfully for 15 days and I can’t even tell you how incredible the difference is!
I get up with the boys. I am calm when the boys need training or correction. I CAN BUDGET TIME again! I don’t need to hide from life (and hid I did most of April, all of May and most of June). I play with my boys again. I notice things about Grant (as well as realize all I’ve missed with him). I listen to Clark and acknowledge his feelings and desires. I possess the capacity to show and teach my boys instead of getting flustered, giving up and telling them nevermind, maybe later. I desire to do family activities instead of pawning the boys on my husband. I am not a mess by 2pm and calling my husband to come home asap because I can’t do it anymore. I have a lived-in but clean house as opposed to a lived-in cluttered mess that irritates me. I cook… not as much as I should yet, but it’s less of a chore than it has been. (This next one was a BIG surprise) I am in love with my husband again. That deep burning, can’t get enough of him desire. I honestly didn’t know that had gone away. Most importantly, I AM IN CONTROL OF ME AGAIN!
Am I perfect? No. Am I the above statements 100% of the time? No. But I am 85% of the time and that’s a giant leap from the 8% I might have swung two months ago. Do I lose it? YES! I have found that I need to be applying at least one (ok, more like at least 4) of my emotions oils every 3 hours if I want to maintain a balance that is happy for everyone. My husband watched me start to spiral one day last week. I hit a wall, emotions took over, I was feeling yucky and disgusted with myself and with life, I recognized it, started layering on oils, and withing 30 minutes I was back to where I had been. He witnessed the whole dive and return. Pretty Phenomenal. Psst… I even did swimming lessons with the boys last week. My FIL helped because it required 2 of us. But I did it… ALL FIVE DAYS! I hadn’t been able to swing 1 trip away from the house without completely losing it.
In December ’15 and again in April/May ’16 I seriously considered an rx because of how I was with my children. Rx’s scare me. The side effects lists are too long, and the likelihood of the first or second med being ‘the one’ are too low. I am incredibly grateful to Gary Young for the workshop he taught. The knowledge he has. The oils and blends he has worked so hard to create. And an all powerful Abba that gave us the plants that are for the healing of the nations! Their side effects are nothing but positive and healing. I am completely ok with putting on an oil every 3 hours instead of taking an rx once or twice a day.
These are the oils I ordered that day with my ER points that I’ve been faithfully using for 15 days now. I noticed a marked difference after just 2 days. T-W-O. Do you have any idea how amazing that is? I usually give a natural ‘fix’ 90 days before I write it off as not working.
I also use Joy and Frankincense without fail multiple times a day and run my diffuser with something uplifting like Orange/YlangYlang/Lavender (3 drops each) all of the time.
To learn more about how you can get Essential Oils to help you in all areas of life, click here.